I Don’t Know How to Blog

Yeah, you saw that right. The title of this blog post: “I Don’t Know How to Blog.”

I mean, I have pretty good self esteem, but I’m under no illusions that the world is dying to know what’s happening in my life. So I took to the internet to figure out how to blog well. Here’s what everyone seemed to say:

Step One: Find your “Niche”

So… I’m sitting in a corner now. Google says niche means “a shallow recess.” There’s this nice little place behind the kitchen table, and I’m going to claim it as my niche. This is a little weird, but… oh, well. Step Two, I guess.

Step Two: Provide Readers With… Something

Ohhh. I get it now. No one is here for me. You’re here for you. What can I give you? That’s a great question. I bake pretty good cookies, but those don’t go on the website well. Except the internet kind. And everyone hates the internet kind. A bit of a stalker-ish aftertaste.

I like being virtual friends, though. And liking other writers’ pages. I could give you cookie emojis.

Step Three: Be Original/ Interesting

Well, my mom says I’m definitely “interesting.” Heh heh heh. Heh. Hmm… Moving on!

Step 3: Ten Thousand Other Steps with Names Like “Top 10 Ways to be an Awesome Blogger” and “15 Ways Not to FAIL MISERABLY” and “DO THIS OR THE WORLD WILL EXPLODE”

Heart palpitations. Glazed eyes.

Step Four: Be honest and be yourself.

Okay. I can do that. No one knows how to be me better than I do, right? And as for honesty… well, maybe I actually need help with being too honest. Like naming my first post “I Don’t Know How to Blog.”

Guys, I’ve looked at about ten quadrillion blogs (note: approximated number +/-1%). And every single one is different. There are some that I think are fantastic that only have a couple followers. And some I get bored with that have thousands.

So my advice? (From the girl who doesn’t know anything? Yes. Hush, now.) Ignore steps 1-3. Go with step four. Be honest. Be yourself. And I’m going to add my own step 5:

Step Five: Have fun.

None of us are going to be famous, probably. (But if you do get famous, let me know.) None of us know what we’re doing. But one of the marvels of living in the 21st century is that we can connect and make friends with people all around the world. We can share experiences and learn together. And we can have fun while doing it.

So forget the rules, gosh dang it. If I want to write about my adventures talking to characters in the kitchen, I will. If I want to write a post about how to write good villains, I will. If I want to rant about how oatmeal raisin cookies are criminally underrated, I will! And if I want to tell you about the new underwear I bought, I’ll do that too! (Update: This has been banned by my friends as TMI.) I’m just going to be me.

And you be you. And let’s have fun together.