I’m cowriting a YA superhero romance, and that got me thinking:
I’m happily single.
Wait. Happily single? She‘s kidding, right? That’s not a thing, is it?
Something about our society makes us think that if someone is single, it’s a problem that needs fixing. We feel the need to find a mate for our single friend ASAP. And sometimes we look at people and think, She’s single? Why? What’s wrong with her?
I want to state this loud and clear:
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SINGLE.
Obviously, I understand that some single people long for a partner. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s okay to try to not be single—as long as you’re looking for someone to love, not someone to make you feel secure about yourself.
But personally, I’m not looking for anyone. Not that I’m opposed to relationships. But 99% of the time, I am perfectly content not to have a significant other.
Why? Well, here are some reasons being single is perfect for me right now:
- I’m busy as heck: working for three companies in the writing industry, working a part-time job, taking 17 credits at college, being in a bell choir, writing for the school newspaper, writing articles and book reviews for various publications, working on novels, and being there for my friends and family. And then try to add a boyfriend in the mix? Boyfriend, or sleep? Yeah, I’m choosing sleep.
- I’m an extremely free spirit. I make split-second decisions. I don’t plan. I go to the grocery store for cereal and come back with an aquarium. (Sorry, Roomie.) I see a job and snatch it up. I want to travel somewhere, and I go. I don’t like being tied down to a place, or to stuff. I sleep at odd hours. And I’m terrible about letting people know what I’m doing or planning. I’ll calm down someday, I’m sure, but I’m too young to be stable.
- It gives me more time to love other people. I love my friends and family with all my heart. I don’t want to miss a moment with them.
So, no, I don’t consider my singleness a problem or something I need to change.
How many stories are about people who “have everything, but are still unhappy because they’re lacking that most important thing of all: a romantic partner?” We’re all looking to be fulfilled, and our society, media, and literature have taught us that romance, or “true love,” is the only answer to happiness.
The love my family gives me is overflowing, unconditional. They’ve been there for me through everything, even when I screamed at my parents that I hated them as a teenager. That’s true love, way more than the physical attraction those movie couples have.
My friends are always there, no matter how needy I am. They stay the night with me in the hospital. They hug me when I cry. They shriek with joy when I have good news. They encourage me every day. And I do the same for them. Why? We love each other. There’s no good reason for it. That’s true love.
I was a nanny twice, to two different precious babies. Some days, the baby would scream and scream. They pooped. They drooled. I had to feed them, change them, burp them, entertain them. And they did absolutely nothing for me. There’s nothing a baby can offer. But I loved them with all my heart. I cried once I stopped watching each of them. I had stress dreams that people weren’t caring for them properly. I would do anything for them, even now. I doubt one of them would have any idea who I am now, but I would die for that child. That’s true love.
A Father gave His Son to die for me even when I rebelled against Him. The Son died for me even as I spit upon Him.
That is the ultimate True Love.
I have an overabundance of true love. I have calling and fulfilment in the things I do. If I am “single” for the rest of my life, I will never lack. I’m surrounded with love and life. I’m not a defective human without a spouse. I’m not incomplete without a significant other. I have a vibrant, full, beautiful world.
Now, if a man comes along who also has a vibrant, full, beautiful world… if he loves my world and I love his… if we want to explore their beauty together and delight in the joy of one another at each new discovery… the nice thing about love is, you can always add more. And I would love to fall in love.
But friends, if you’re single, enjoy it. Run free with dreams, passions, and love. And if you aren’t single, don’t look down on us dancing alone. There are other, equally valid, important, and fulfilling life paths.
Pardon me. I’m going to go run as a metaphysical unicorn through the creative fantasy worlds coming to life in my imagination. Maybe you’ll see them on the page someday.
And you can bet some of those characters will be beautifully, contentedly single.